What makes a woman empowered?

As a woman especially those of us that lead a business we have this urge to feel empowered and to position ourselves firmly. 

What makes a woman feel empowered is different for all women.

So in this post, I’ll cover how can you feel empowered as a woman, what does it mean to be empowered, what empowers you as a woman, and more.

Keep reading. 

What does it mean to be empowered?

When I searched on Google what does it mean to be empowered, here is what I found. 

Personal empowerment is about taking control of your own life and making positive decisions based on what you want. It’s closely linked to attributes like self-esteem and self-confidence, but true empowerment comes when you convert intention into action.

But what does that mean for you?  

It’s about setting high standards for yourself, setting boundaries from the begging to position yourself firmly. 

It’s also about building up your self-confidence from the get-go, empowerment should make you feel in control and not self-controlled. 

How does it feel to be empowered?

For some women, this comes easy, as for other women it can be quite hard to build that feeling of empowerment. 

Feeling empowered comes from:

• Making your own decision
• Control your life
• Own your words
• Setting boundaries 
• Becoming authoritative

There is more that can be added to the list but generally this what feels to be empowered. 

Since you now know what does it mean to be empowered? What does it feel like? 

Let’s talk about the 5 types of empowerment.

What are the 5 types of empowerment? And How can a woman feel empowered?

There are general 5 types of empowerment 

1- Local level 

2- Career level 

3- Family level

4- Marriage level

5- Personal level

And let’s discuss each one in a brief description 

1- Local level 

It means the power you have in your social circle. This means do you run events in your community? Do you donate often? 

Do you volunteer around?

All these contribute to your empowerment.

2- Career Level

How do you run your business?  Which place are you at in your career?

Feeling empowered in your career is one of the most challenging things because we tend to critique ourselves and compare ourselves to the competition. 

When you are empowered, competition and others related items in career advancement tend to not be the biggest concern anymore. 

The hardest part is that there are lots of competition but ideally when you are empowered in this field everything becomes easy.

3- Family Level

Being a successful woman means that you have balance in all levels.

And if you learn anything from successful women out there, they often have high empowerment within their family. 

Don’t worry if you don’t have support from your family.

 Family can be very important to some and to others who don’t have family support it can be challenging. Plenty have turned friends and support systems into their self-made version of what they call family.

Be sure to nurture those around you such as your parents, siblings, grandparents, and any other relationships that are important to you. 

4- Marriage Level

Some women feel empowered in their marriage life and some just don’t. But if you want to feel empowered in your marriage life you should always have self-esteem and have firm relationship boundaries. 

If you put these in place you will remain true to self and speak up and not rely on your husband to feel validate. Setting boundaries allows to have independence within your marriage 

5- Personal Level 

If you want to start feeling empowered then start to focus on personal empowerment.

Personal level empowerment comes from self-confidence, self-esteem, and setting a high value for yourself.  

Now that we covered the 5 types of empowerment and how you as a woman can feel empowered, let’s move on to something that will tie this whole thing together.

How to empower yourself as a woman?

Again this comes easy for some women but here are 9 ways to empower yourself when you need that additional motivation 

1- Get coached

If you’re gonna take away something from this post, take this one.

Sometimes women feel like they should do it on their own but the truth is you don’t have to at all.

You can hire a coach to help you with many things, in your career, marriage, personal life, and more. 

2- Don’t be afraid 

Put yourself out there, don’t be afraid to show your true self. As a woman, we get this feeling of shame to express ourselves but if you want to empower yourself you need to express yourself more often. 

3- Learn and educate 

Have you heard that you get to learn twice if you teach? Well, this should be one way to empower yourself. 

Expand your knowledge in one area at a time, teach it to those around you to make yourself feel more authoritative.

Finish your school education or advance training if you haven’t done it already. There are so many ways that you can learn and educate. 

3- Stick to your beliefs 

We are made of what we believe in and if from time to time you change your beliefs it’s gonna be hard to be self-empowered.

But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t change your belief often but it means to adjust what’s truly valuable to you and what needs to be changed.

If you believe in something that is conservational stick to it, stand up for it. Explain your motive behind that belief.

 But in none aggressive way, you should be firm when you stand up to your beliefs.

This will guarantee you empowerment and the feeling to be empowered. 

4- Become a leader

One way to empower yourself is to become a leader yourself and this doesn’t mean to do anything crazy at the beginning. But it can be as simple as running charity work in your neighborhood.

You can also run a monthly “meeting” in your neighborhood of things that can be changed.

If you think enough outside the box you’ll find so many ways that you can become a leader.

5- Say No  

If you want to feel empowered one way to do that is to say no.

And we all know saying no can be a hassle or the feeling of guilt arises but hey empowered women don’t feel guilty when setting up boundaries.

If you struggle to say no often ask yourself this question what would I love? If I say yes how will this affect me directly? 

This literally can change the game for you without feeling guilty or coming off offensive. 

6- Practice feeling it

I’m not saying here that you should fake it till you make it cause with this type of work because this just doesn’t work. 

What you can do instead is to practice with yourself starting with thinking positive, things like:

I feel empowered through this work

Every time I do XYZ I feel empowered.

I am me I love myself it is a great feeling to be empowered. These positive affirmations will begin to help you change your mindset.

Practice saying that to yourself every day and see how you’ll show up and begin to see changes in your life.

7- Change your mentality 

Change your thoughts about what you believe society has taught you about women, if your society does put women under a pedestal it can be hard for you to position yourself to feel empowered.

This is why it’s important to remove negative thinking and reframe how you think. Society can put so much pressure on women to look a certain way or to think a certain way. Keep your eye on the prize and limit your social media use.

8- Surround yourself 

I believe that the 5 most people you spend your time with is who you are on the inside. 

If you spend your time with women who always seem to dwell on themselves you’ll have a hard time expressing yourself.

It might be hard to walk away from such people, but you can expand your reach and find ways to find women who want to feel empowered as much as you do.  

You can find women alike through blog posts and you can choose to hang out with your nearest empowered woman.

There are tons of ways to meet different who feel just like you. Check out Facebook groups, meet up, local women’s groups, or even niche-specific groups like public speaking groups, etc.

9- Do your part

Just like you want to be treated equally you yourself mustn’t dwell or shame other women. 

And to be honest all of us fall in this trap, where we shame other women. 

But this doesn’t mean you address women who need to be addressed.

It can simply mean to compliment your coworkers about anything that you feel they put enough effort into it. 

If one of your coworkers always tries to save the day you can compliment her about that. 

Pin me if you liked this post 

Final Note

If you decided to take at least a few points from this post, you will be in a much different place than you were before reading. 

Feeling empowered as a woman can be intimidating at first but once you get the hang of it, you’ll thank yourself when you look back. 

Feel free to sign up for our newsletter to share your story and listen to other women’s stories of their journey. 

Related Posts:

• How to Find Yourself as a Woman? – It’s Not What You Think
• Self awareness activities to find yourself as a woman 
• Reasons why you can’t find Happiness

9 Ways to Make You Feel Like Empowered Woman in 2021

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What is the process of self-discovery?

Let’s face it we have all come to a point in our lives when we have asked ourselves “ who am I“ !?

You probably have been wondering what your purpose is and how do you even begin to find your path to self-discovery.

I have heard people say well…. When you wake up in the morning and you find something that you can do daily for “Free” then that is what your purpose is. So, I believed that for a while!

And… don’t get me wrong I’m not implying that it’s wrong or anything but my way of thinking has drastically changed.

But first I want to answer

What does self-discovery mean?

It means the process of finding your abilities and your weakness as well as the path to find your true potential and to find your true happiness.

What is self-discovery improve?

I just believe that finding your purpose…….. in life is something much deeper.

Deeper than just determining what you “like” or even “love” doing. It takes a great deal of self-discovery to find out who you truly are and what you want to make out of this life. The discovery stage can get pretty interesting.

How do I find myself again?

You might be feeling like you have no clue where to begin.

You might feel like you’re not good enough or nothing compared to your fabulous sibling’s life who appears to get everything right.

Your life is not even remotely close to what people post online. Does any of this sound familiar? Let me just digress for a second about social media. Social media can be a great thing and for most people, it kind of is their thing! Nothing wrong with that but think about how much influence it has over you, your thoughts, your appearance, and your attitude.

We most definitely can’t believe everything we see or read and compare it to our lives. You’ve heard the saying a picture is worth a thousand words well it’s true.

Besides we haven’t the slightest clue what any of those people are truly going through.

How can you accept yourself?

Let’s first start off by saying that you are good enough you just might be a little delayed with actually realizing that.

Trust me! It can take time… A Lot of the time the most important thing is that you begin. Beginning self-reflection is something as simple as having a plan of action.

2 Key Ideas to find yourself as a woman

1- Self Reflect 

First, you have to define what happiness means to you.

You would be surprisingly shocked to know that many people have the slightest clue of what happiness is.

Here 2 questions you need to ask yourself to self-discovery:

1- Ask yourself when was the last time you sat down and asked yourself what it would take for you to have complete happiness.

2- What would it take for you to embrace all of your flaws and be ready to tackle the challenges that come your way and still make yourself happy?

How often do you revisit that question?

So many of us rely on others to make us happy and that is mistake number one.

You see happiness is an inside job and we have control over that.

As a younger person, you do not have total control over having complete happiness because you are still required to follow the rules of someone else. However, there is nothing that states you can’t begin the self-discovery journey early.

So, defining what true happiness means to you is key! Not what it means to anyone else but what it means to you.

What does happiness means?

Does happiness mean for you being successful, checking off a list of accomplishments, starting a family, etc… One thing that I do want to highlight is to be very careful of thinking that material items will make you happy.

You want to dig a little deeper and focus on your core of happiness as materials can and will always come and go.

I have many patients who have this long laundry list of things that they believe will make them happy but…..

They are even more unhappy because they feel that they are not deserving of them. Have you ever watched that documentary of several lottery members who are completely unhappy after winning? I mean for many of us it is a dream come true to win the lottery.

(A prime example of why material items should not be the core of your happiness).

Sure money allows you to have access to more, perhaps experience more, and financial freedom doesn’t sound bad at all right.

Anyhow, none of the things that I mentioned have to do with the inside of yourself observation.

2- Soul Searching

Next up on personal discovery is to do a little more self-exploration and define your values.

Many of us have values that may have been instilled unto us by our parents.

Some of us have good parents who appear to have it all figured out and the rest of us have parents who haven’t a clue as to why they even became parents.

You might even wonder if your parents even came from another planet.

– Set Values

My point is some values you may want to adopt as your own and others you might want to explore and create values of your own.

Nothing is wrong with finding your own new path to self-discovery. Parents and family may want what’s best for you in their: own eyes, not yours.

It is important not to let someone else’s personal reflection on your own.

Keep in mind that if you have no clue what yours is then of course you will be more likely to adopt.

Here are more tips to continue the journey of self-discovery

3- Set Goals 

Now that you have put more effort into determining your definition of happiness, and you explored your values, take some time to set some realistic goals for yourself.

Make sure your goals are  S.M.A.R.T goals.

What are S.M.A.R.T Goals?

S.M.A.R.T goals are:

•  Specific
•  Measurable
•  Action/Attainable
• Realistic
•  Time bound.

Your goal needs to be very specific.

Example on S.M.A.R.T Goals:

You wouldn’t want to set a goal and say “ I’m going to write a book” You might instead say I am going to write a book and I will commit to writing 3 pages on Monday and Wednesday.

Then,

Ask yourself can you stick to this plan giving your regularly scheduled daily activity.

When setting goals really think about what is realistic for you and if you will be able to commit to them. Don’t set yourself up by overdoing it.

  Remember one of the most important things you can do is just begin.

Now we have discussed some very simple steps to help you get started on self-finding. Let’s focus on some of the challenges that have stopped you from getting ahead in the past.

How do I discover my true self?

First,

Make a list of the things that have stopped you in the past.

And then ask yourself these questions. 

1- Is there a person in your life who is always full of negativity? 

One of the most danced around topics is negative people. We might want to keep people around due to their history with us but overall it can be a toxic relationship.

2- Has someone in your family told you something that truly made you change your plans?

We all know that we can have toxic family members as well. Remember these are your goals and plans! Sometimes it may be best not to always share your visions because sometimes it is difficult for others to see the picture.

And the last question is:

3- Is your mind cluttered with other “stuff”?

Stuff can consist of tons of irrelevant things that take control of your mental space or your physical space.

Whichever one might be it is taking up valuable space that can cloud your creative judgment. So, Clear your stuff to make room for more things of value.

What’s next?

If you want to hear stories from women like you who share their inspiring stories, then sign up here to our email list to get the latest updates.

Final Note  

The journey to self-discovery for women can be intimidating for lots of women but following what I have given you in this post can help you on your path of self-discovery.

I invite you to follow me on Instagram to help you go on your journey and for more inspiration.

Or, if you feel you want to rant a bit and ask a question, I also have an email address dedicated for a special person just like you reach out to us at lemonadegangletter@gmail.com.

Care to share?

Related posts on how to find yourself:

• Reasons why you can’t find Happiness
• Challenge your negative thoughts
• Stop Overthinking

How to find yourself as a woman?

Lastly, as a woman another thing to take into account is of course none other than Hormones! To learn more about hormones and take a free quiz click here !

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Aromatherapy is one of those simple pleasures that don’t get as much attention as it should.  Now, if you have experienced all the benefits of Aromatherapy before in the past then you are fully aware of all the benefits that it has to offer. 

Aromatherapy is a form of Holistic healing.  It has been around for thousands of years and has a host of benefits. Aromatherapy is used for both medical and religious practices. Aromatherapy also has both physical and psychological benefits. 

Essentials oils can be used in a variety of ways.  Some of my favorite ways are to use them are listed below

Facial Steamer

Diffusers

Face Creams

Warm Baths

Home-made Cleansers

Hot or Cold Compresses

Other Benefits include

• Pain management
• Improvement in overall sleep quality
• Helps to reduce stress, agitation, and anxiety
• soothe joint pain
• Possible relief from headaches and migraines
• alleviate side effects of chemotherapy
• ease discomforts of labor pains
• fight bacteria, virus, or fungus
• improve digestion
• improve hospice and palliative care
• boost immunity

There are well over 100’s of different types of essential oils… So you can experiment a little with which ones you prefer.  Many enjoy mixing some of their favorite oils together by creating the perfect scent. 

I have learned to not be overly creative and stick to the ones that tend not to bother my allergies as I am very sensitive to many different smells. 

All Essential Oils are not created Equal!

Some synthetic oils tend to dissipate relatively quickly and the smell might slightly differ from some essential oils that have a better quality.  You may find cheaper essential oils at places like the dollar stores.  I prefer to get my essential oils at places like Trader Joe’s, Sprouts, or other places that sell organic products.  Do your research on the best quality essential oils.  I also have a pretty good collection of DoTERRA essential oils.  

Popular Essential oils are

Clary Sage

• Antispasmodic
• Relieves Menstrual Cramps
• Aphrodisiac
• Relaxing
• Relieves anxiety/stress
• Labor pain management

Cypress

• Astringent
• Antispasmodic
• Treats Respiratory Complaints
• Edema
• Cellulitis
• Menstrual Pain
• Muscle Pain

Eucalyptus

• Expectorant
• Decongestant
• Beneficial for cold/flu season
• Clearing to the mind
• Energizing
• Bronchitis

Geranium

• PMS
• Indicated or hormonal imbalance
• Antimicrobial
• Nerve Pain

Ginger

• Digestive
• Useful to Eliminate Gas
• Constipation
• Relieves Nausea
• Warming Emotionally and Physically
• Anti-Inflammatory
• Relieves Pain
• Immune Modulator

Lavender 

• Calming
• reduces Anxiety
• Wound Healing
• Burns
• Cell Regenerative
• Insect Bites
• Antispasmodic
• Reduces Itchiness
• General Skin Care
• Great For Children

The above listed are ones that I personally use to help combat fibromyalgia. There are many people who consume essential oils.  However I do not! Be sure to research which oils can be consumed. The only way that I use them is in my diffuser or topical.  I may add them to a carrier oil like avocado oil, or vitamin E when I apply them.  Another thing to note is to make sure that your diffuser is cleaned after each use. The water can grow mold! And that is totally unsafe to inhale.  I personally like to clean mine with tea tree oil.  Tea tree oil is another oil that I use often.  It is a staple item for me and has tons of benefits. 

I suffer from Fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia is one of those things that does not have a one size fits all remedy and many of the soothing moments with Fibromyalgia are earned with trial and error. 

On a night, when I am having  hard time getting to sleep I have created a fibromyalgia night time routine.  I am just sharing my routine and this is not intended to replace any medical advice.  Please check with your physician before trying out any of the mentions in this post.

I generally average about 5-6 hours per night.  I would love to get 8 or even 9 hours of sleep per night but I have simply settled for a good 5-6 hours. I believed I was getting an adequate amount of sleep until my Fitbit sleep tracker informed me otherwise.  On one single night I had woke 12 times to my surprise. I said that it can’t be healthy.  I said to myself how can my body even recover when I am not getting enough rest. In the morning times I surely would pay the price for the restless nights.

MY NIGHTTIME SLEEP ROUTINE

I began taking magnesium at night 1 tablet

I filled my diffuser with distilled water and add 3 drops of lavender

I also take a bath with lavender epsom salt 

I drink a half of cup of sleepy time tea

I always make my bed up rather i do it in the morning or just before getting in the bed

I purchased a L shaped pillow

A neck pillow

I use a little deep blue on my neck or any other area where there is pain

This is the only thing that works to make sure I get to sleep.  I always share with my friends that I am the real life version of the princess and the pea because I feel every little thing on my bed. I can’t even sleep if there is a  tiny crumb on my bed.  So, it is important to make everything as close to perfect as possible.

In the morning I always stretch.. Not for too long but at least 3 minutes because I tend to get very stiff.  

Disclaimer: I will make a small commission for purchases made through links in this post. For more information please see our disclosures page.

REFERENCES:

https://www.healthline.com/health/what-is-aromatherapy#benefits

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Key areas of self-awareness 

We’ve discussed how to find yourself as a woman in this post. 

But for today it’s gonna be all about self-awareness activities that you can do that will help you gain more awareness of who you are.

Let’s get started.

Before we start with the activities, there are some questions that I’ll need to address first.

What are the key areas of self-awareness?

There are 3 areas for self-awareness

• Values
• Personality traits 
• Habits and emotion

Here is a brief description of what each one means:

Values:

Are what drives our actions. If before you make any big decision in your life you ask your family for their opinion then this action is driven by the value of family bonding. 

Personality traits:

Personality traits are what sets you apart from any other woman.

Think of it as the activities you do daily that are a part of your personality trait. 

Habits and emotions:

As humans, that’s what we are made of habits and emotions. If everything you do leads to the desired emotion (Negative or positive) and those emotions lead to the habits we do daily. 

Once you’re aware of these self-awareness keys, it’ll be your compass to live a happy life. 

What are the three self-awareness activities that develop the self?

3 self-awareness activities can help you to develop yourself.

• Physical
• Mental 
• Emotional

Physical

Which is to do about anything physical to help you gain self-awareness.

Things such as journaling and meditation or doing yoga are a starter.

Mental

Mental self-awareness is to be aware of your thoughts and the mental chatter that goes around in your head.

This is essential to know as everything starts from there. 

You can check this podcast from Natalie Bacon on mental chatter. 

Emotional

Being aware of your emotions is a big part of developing yourself and if you fail to develop your emotion, it doesn’t matter what else you do. 

Mastering emotion can be practicing your feelings ahead of time for those big events that seem to overwhelm you. 

From what you read so far self-awareness compounds many things but they’re crucial to self-development. 

What are some examples of self-awareness?

A friend of mine sent me this list that I love. I think it would be creative of you to make your list just like this one.

You can easily just take out a sheet of paper and write down the most important things to you in life.

 Think about how you are affected by those things, and what they mean to you. There are no right or wrong answers. 

This is a great tool to begin and explore self-awareness.

Seriously…… Just give it a try!

Read more >> How to find yourself as a woman

Self-awareness examples

1. To be rich ………………………Give
2. To Succeed………………………Serve
3. To laugh……………………Make someone else laugh
4. To prosper…………………….. Be honest
5. To Excel………………………… Be faithful
6. To go far……………………….Get up early
7. To change someone……………Change yourself
8. To be great………………………………Be disciplined
9. To be strong………………………………Pray Often
10. To do a lot………………………………….Speak little
11. To be fruitful………………………………Praise God
12. To live well……………………………….Forgive
13. To talk well……………………………….Bind anger
14. To sleep well…………………………….Work Hard
15. To be loved………………………………..Love
16. To be a good husband……………………..Listen to your wife
17. To be a wife………………………………..Submit yourself
18. To be respected…………………………..Be polite
19. To bind Satan……………………………Sanctify yourself
20. To grow in faith………………………….Meditate on the word of God Always

The list can go on and on.

It’s so powerful to make yourself aware of the simple things in life.

One more thing to remember that we all have so many different things that are important to us as individuals.

 They don’t need to make sense to anyone else. To be honest, sometimes it might not make sense to you.

 The point is to gain self-awareness therefore, you can make progress. The progress will allow you to understand who you are and your purpose in life. 

This is also great for self-development.

Trust me you have a purpose..! It might take some time to unlock what that may be but you have one.

 Just think when was the last time you have actually sat in your own thoughts and answered the questions you asked yourself.

Now that you’re aware of self-awareness examples, here is how to exercise self-awareness?

Pin me 

How do you exercise self-awareness?

As I wrote earlier there are 2 ways that you can exercise self-awareness.

First, physically, which is to write your thoughts in a journal.

This process is called a brain dump.

Another exercise you can do is to sit in silence and watch your thoughts come up and go. 

Either way, you should include physical and mental exercises in your self-awareness routine and make it a part of your daily life.

Final Note

Self-awareness can be the greatest tool anyone could have but not everyone is aware of it.

When you’re aware of your thoughts you have the power to change the way you live, but with cautious self-awareness, this only can happen. 

Related posts you’ll love:

• How to Find Yourself as a Woman?
• Crush your Goals
• Share your story (Newsletter)

Self-awareness activities to find yourself as a woman

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Think about the benefits that you might want to reap out of practicing deep breathing exercises.

Well I say give it a try. Let’s talk briefly about deep breathing . Deep Breathing is a relaxation technique performed by purposefully taking slow and long deep breaths. When practiced regularly  and effectively, deep breathing provides both immediate and long –term relief from stress anxiety. 

Sometimes when you experience an anxiety attack you may feel that you cannot breathe. You may feel our chest about to tighten and feel instantly uncomfortable.  During periods of anxiety, the body triggers a set of symptoms called the stress response. Breathing becomes shallow and rapid, heart rate increases, and muscles become tense. In opposition to the stress response is the relaxation response.  Breathing becomes deeper and slower, and the symptoms of anxiety fade away. Deep breathing triggers this response. 

Let’s give it a try now…

Sit back or lie down in a comfortable position. Close your eyes, if you would like to do so.  When you’re learning, try placing a hand on your stomach.  If you breathe deeply enough, you should notice it rising and failing with each inhalation and exhalation.

1. Inhale.. Breathe in slowly through your nose 4 seconds
2. Pause, Hold the air in your lungs for 4 seconds. 
3. Exhale, Breathe out slowly through your mouth for seconds. ( Pucker your lips, as if you are blowing through a straw, to slow your exhalation. 
4. Repeat. Practice for at least 2 minutes, but preferably 5 to 10 minutes..

A few tips * If it isn’t working, slow down!  The most common mistake is breathing too fast. Time each step in your head, counting slowly as you do so. 

• Counting out your breaths serves a second purpose. It takes your mind off the source of your anxiety.  Whenever you catch your mind wandering, simply return your focus to counting.
• The times we use for each step are suggestions, and can be lengthened or decreased. 
• Lengthen the time if it feels natural to do so, or decrease the time if you feel discomfort.       

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(Mini Read Series)

What does your therapist really think of you!?

Many times before you consider seeing a therapist you might begin to feel a little skeptical because you are not sure if you want to go to therapy. You might think if i see this therapist, they are going to think i’m bat S*&% crazy.  

A few other things might come to mind as well like

1. My story will top everything that they could have possibly heard
2. You think you will be judged
3. You think they won’t really like you
4. You think they are thinking your stupid
5. You think they are thinking that this is free money.
6. Why am I even paying a person to tell me my issues in the first place?

 

Trust me this list can go on. I have heard many of the reasons for not wanting to go to receive treatment.

The truth is your therapist is a person, believe it or not….! Lol They have their own list of personal problems, and they are just trying to figure life out just like you.  They won’t always give you the response you want to hear, but with the proper trained therapist you should expect to  have a genuine response. 

The goal of the therapist is not to judge or to categorize someone but to understand that person as an individual so that he or she feels seen and heard. One of the most important tasks as a therapist is to see an individual for who they really are.  You shouldn’t be judged by your past. You should be looked at as the very person that you are while sitting in front of your therapist.  Deciding to receive treatment is a big deal. You’re allowing another person to share your very personal world. 

Your concerns are valid, and so are you.  You deserve to feel better, you deserve to find a clear vision for your path, you deserve to have some peace of mind. So, the next time you have the fear of being judged just know that your therapist is a person as well just like you.   Some people just need a little assistance. Think of it this way… If your groceries are too heavy to carry to the car, and the store clerk asks to assist, would you take the help? I think you would take the help and not worry much about being judged at the moment.  The store clerk isn’t going to say what a weak person, they are just going to help.

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So, it looks like you’re thinking about getting married, and I am excited for you.  If you’re still into the American dream then of course getting married is the right thing to do. There are plenty of reasons to get married and there are plenty of reasons why you shouldn’t get married. Today we will focus on the before We Get Married bucket list. You may think that I will go into this long drawn out list about things you just have to do. However, there isn’t one in my opinion.  As a Marriage and Family Therapist I have spent many days thinking about the perfect solution to really make marriage last. I am talking about making it  last like  they used to last years ago. My belief is simple,  if two people want something to work it simply will.  It just takes two people to put someone else before they put themselves.  Then you revisit and take care of yourself.

Let me explain, of course it may require that you do more for someone else than you may do for yourself if you get married. Isn’t that a part of being in a relationship anyway.  I mean relationships are tough but if they are built on the right foundation then they can be very exciting.  Take this scenario for instance, you have an argument instead of feeding into the argument you take a back seat allowing your spouse to vent ( putting them first) then you vent.  Remember it takes no energy to let someone else be right in the moment.  You validate their feelings and concerns let things cool down and then you revisit the conversation with a resolution in mind. 

Now the list …..

1. Because you just want the title- Sounds silly right ! Could you really imagine how many people really are all in just for the title of MRS….  Of course you’re deserving and you deserve to have your life long dream come true.  Your one of a kind, and special I get it!  You want your dream wedding!  Magazines make it look great, the pictures, the gown, and the food.  Let’s be honest your wedding is one day and you have the rest of your life to have that marriage you so longed for.  You want it to be based on solid principles and values not for the title.   Principles and values that you have created together in your unity.
2. Because you feel alone.  You probably think I’m crazy for this one!  But seriously you don’t want to just be with any ole’ body just because you’re alone.  Can you imagine going on a feeding frenzy  to meet your husband.  You may find him and he could easily be the one. Or he could be a total jerk that is not deserving of your presence. However, you were so lonely that you took the first one who took the bait.  Set some standards and go from there.  Now that long list of  50  must haves may need to be shortened to a more realistic one.  Shortening your list doesn’t mean you can’t get what you want, it just means  that you are being a little more flexible.
3. You think you’re getting too old.  We all wanted to be young brides at one point but sometimes it just doesn’t work out that way.  Now if it is your dying wish to get married before a certain age, then I say go for it.  However, if you think you’re not marriage material just because you’re getting older then you’re wrong my friend. They say patience comes to those who wait. I don’t mean wait forever, but you do want to put yourself in a position to meet a quality person to be with.  If you think you’re getting too old I’d like to guess that you’re looking in the mirror saying some pretty awful things about yourself and how much of a failure you might be because marriage hasn’t happened for you yet. News flash your awesome don’t forget it. Besides, men can smell desperation from a mile away. You don’t want to fall into a trap.  Check out that tyler perry move llllll for example. 
4. Because you’re expecting a baby.  Riddle me this … Do you really think that having an unplanned pregnancy is going to truly want a man to ask for your hand in marriage. Honestly, ask yourself that question. However, again if you are in to do the “right thing” and is into tradition. then skip this number all together. I get that part too who wants to bring a child into this world with unwedded parents.  But hey it happens and so do pregnancies. It won’t stop you for being the best parents that you can possibly be. Also, just think if this person was a one night stand how would that workout long term. 50/50 chance with that one.  I think you get my drift.
5. You want to be taken care of. Now if it has been your dream to be a stay at home mom and live off of your husband’s income then that’s perfectly fine don’t get me wrong.  I mean who wouldn’t stay home if they had the option. Specific cultures believe in the man being the head of household and the woman taking care of the family.  However, it’s 2020 and women are out in the workforce crushing their goals and working their way to the top on so many levels.  If you’re not into that arena then head on over to pinterest and stay home and bake your little heart out.
6. To prove your wifey material.  Who are you trying to prove it too?  Your friends who might be in a dead end marriage who question your every move?  Or maybe because you’re the only person in your family who is not married. tsk tsk… You have nothing to prove!
7. Cause you’re in love…….. i almost cringed writing this because people have to belief that I am absolutely insane for #7.  I know you’re thinking what the heck is she talking about when people get married because they are in love.  and you are right! but love is so subjective anyone can fall in love just as they fall out of love.  Love and Lust can often go hand in hand especially to someone who has not quite figured themselves out yet.  I believe that “like” is just like the word “love”.  We all have a different definition of what love means.. find out what your true definition of what love means.  Ask yourself if that person did lose some of those values would you still want to be married to them.  Do you actually like this person enough to look over the things that may bother you.
8. To solve your current relationship problems … Yup marriage ain’t gonna fix it.  Trust me whatever was going on before will not be solved just by getting married. For example, if someone is unfaithful, their cheating behavior will not just go away cause your married.
9. To solve your financial problems much like #8.  You can think of marriage as a union but not a business decision.  That could get pretty ugly without standards. 
10. Attachments theory

Make sure you’re loved. Learn how to keep the chemistry It’s one thing to be in love but it’s another to be loved. In this day in age, in a world of prenuptials and divorce it is discouraging to even think about getting married sometimes. The mere thought can give you an overwhelming sense of disbelief and discouragement.  Well love is not dead nor is chivalry!  So continue on planning and dreaming of your special day. Don’t let anyone tell your otherwise!

Knowing the key to his heart will give a clear understanding of what you need to do to be the perfect wife. “His secret Obsession” is a blueprint to his heart. This enjoyable read has helped thousands of women improve their relationships. Learn how to become completely irresistible here.

Now go plan your wedding….

Location Location Location… you have already heard that before plenty of times! And you are right. The location has to be absolutely perfect.  Now don’t think that the location has to be expensive in order to be perfect. The location just needs to be perfect for you.  How can you find the perfect location?  Think about somewhere that you find your solace.  Do you need it to be grand? Or do you need it to be coy and simple. The venue of course is not really for you it’s more for your fabulous guest.  Anyhow, if your budget allows then great but don’t break the bank. Wouldn’t it make sense to splurge on your honeymoon. Could you  splurge on a new home for you and your new king? People tend to overspend for the big day but ask yourself who is it for you or your guest.

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How to find joy in life?

Let’s start off by saying that happiness is an inside job.

 It is solely up to you to decide what happiness means to you. You may need to do a little self-exploration. 

Finding joy in life can be achieved with self explorations. 

Read more >> How to find yourself as a woman

What does self explorations mean?

The first thing it will take is for you to take ownership. Taking ownership means no more pointing fingers.

 No more blaming others when things don’t go in your favor.

 Ask yourself do you have a hard time apologizing? If the answer is yes then it is probably likely that there are plenty of things that you still may have not taken ownership of.

 No worries you have time to start now!

First, we have to talk about what does happiness means anyway. 

What does it mean to you to be happy?

• Does it mean being married?
•  Having the perfect job? Having a lot of money?

Once you figure out what does it mean for you to be happy then you can decide what it is that you need to do to get it.

The first question that might come to you is Why do I find it difficult to be happy?

Let’s take a look at few reasons why you find it difficult to be happy.

Why do I find it difficult to be happy?

-Reasons why You can’t Find Happiness

1- You don’t know what you want

For you to feel happiness in life, you should know what you really want? 

Do you find yourself being picky about general things?

Things such as when trying to find the perfect spouse. 

Remember the whole tall, dark, and handsome spiel back when our parents used to watch soap operas.

 Surprisingly, many still watch soaps! Nothing is wrong with Soaps but the men on there are pretty close to perfect. You refuse to give up your 100 item list of must-haves.  

2- You don’t know your values

It’s important to have values and stay true to them.  So, if someone does not meet your core values then you deserve to paddle on past them.

How to fix that?

Take the word “perfect” and remove it from your vocabulary.  

 One of my favorite ways to find out more about what I am missing in life is to use Reality Therapy. Reality Therapy was founded by William Glasser M.D. back in the 1960s where he explored the unsuccessful attainment of basic needs. 

 Fulfilling essential needs is a part of a person’s present life and it does not focus on your past, just the here and now which I like!

 Learn more about Reality Therapy Here. 

 Side note: In no way shape or form am I saying that you need a spouse to feel complete but a life partner can definitely aid in your journey in finding happiness. 

2.  You Overthink

   Have you ever just sat in your own thoughts.  I mean like in complete silence to determine what you really want out of life.

 What will it take to really make you find joy?

  Some people really have challenges with being alone and really despise the thought of being in their own sole presence.

How to fix that?

One thing to help you in this problem is to journal and let out your thoughts to just flow without judging them.

And if you hate journaling, try to go on a rant with yourself and then decide to let it go. 

3.  You compare yourself to others

Turn the TV off and ditch the magazines for a second.  Social media and Reality Television have given us this false narrative that we need to have all these things to feel complete.

 Many of us can’t afford their suggestions and oddly enough we will still try to keep up with others.

 Many people including those on television are only showing us a small portion of their lives. 

How to fix that?

Remember it’s hard to see the picture if you’re always in the frame. 

You don’t need to cut on social media at the beginning but what you can do is to only watch and follow other women or people who make you feel good about yourself.

This way you won’t fall into the trap of comparing yourself to women who make you feel low. 

4- You don’t know how to love yourself.

This might seem pretty simple, but how can you expect to be completely happy when you don’t love yourself?

How to fix that?

 Loving yourself consists of learning to accept every flaw that you can think of.  Even those flaws that you don’t want to think about the need to be included.  This is when you dive deep into all the things that you don’t like about yourself and accept them. 

Ask yourself the reasons why you don’t like these things about yourself. 

Although in your eyes your opinion of yourself may be valid it does not mean that you are not deserving of the things that you want in life. 

And lastly, 

5- You take yourself so seriously 

If you want to be happy you just need to know how to Chill.

Chill, relax, take a load off, etc. …  Seriously,  why take yourself so seriously. 

How to fix that?

 True enough you may need to take some things seriously in life but not all things.  We indeed have the ability to pick and choose our battles, and over the years you will learn all battles aren’t even worth the fight.

 So next time you find your panties in a bunch quickly redirect your thoughts to a lesser challenge. 

Do a little soul searching, Self Exploration, and Re-create the perfect version of yourself.  You can even check out my ebook. 

Finding joy in life can be hectic but it doesn’t necessarily need to be. 

Here are 2 ways that you can use to find joy

How can I find happiness?

 1- Create A Theme

Get out the frame and draw your own picture. What does happiness mean to you and better yet what does it look like, what does it taste like, what does it feel like. 

 These are all of the things that you are going to want to know.

 You want to know these things so that you can visualize exactly how you want them to be. 

2- Create A Vision Board 

 A few things that I like to do is to create vision boards. Visions Boards help me stay focused on my goals and it also serves as a constant reminder of what I want so I don’t lose track.

 I also am a firm believer in the laws of attractions. One of my favorite movies and books to read, when I was first introduced to the LOA, is the “Secret”.

 You can probably find it on a streaming service or you can purchase it here.  Another good read is the Four Agreements.

Final Note 

If you still struggle on how to find joy in life there might be another issue outside of your control that makes you feel this way. 

Regardless of what’s causing your unhappiness know that there is always a way to fix it.

Related post:

• How to find yourself as a woman
• 9 Ways to Make You Feel Like A Empowered Woman in 2021
• Self awareness activities to find yourself as a woman 

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